Often when I'm sad and need a boost of serotonin, I think back to my sixth grade year. It seems to be the greatest highlight of my preteen hood. The year before I had lost my former best friend due to parental pressure and a fallout between our parents. As if the day was just yesterday, I remember the hurt on her face and the guilt I experienced cutting her off. Now it was the first day of middle school and I was determined to make some new friends. Once I had gotten settled into my seat for homeroom, the teacher introduced herself. I remember seeing a blonde haired girl with sparkly earrings sitting in front of me. She seemed quiet and to herself, yet sweet too. So as soon as we got permission to get up, I made my way over to her table to say hi.
That single moment changed everything, and by the end of the day I had accumulated a whole friend group! During that school year I got to experience many moments filled with giggles, drawings, book recommendations, sugar rushes and crashes at lunch hour, snack parties, fun emails exchanged, and heartfelt moments with support when I needed it the most. Getting older life has seemed to take a turn for the worst. At least it feels like it most of the time. While I still have good moments, it's easy to get lost in all of the other responsibilities that come with adulthood like: bills, mental health, college grades, aging health, and even heartbreak. It's as if everything was so much simpler back then. Maybe that's why I keep running back to it in my mind. School at the time was my only outlet of stability. At home I was going through abuse, neglect, and constant gaslighting. Eventually it got so bad that I reached a breaking point and had to take a "small vacation". My friends wrote me letter during my stay, and honestly it was the best part of such a horrific experience. Knowing that someone one the outside at least thought of me made all the difference.
Though I didn't go back to that same school again, and I dealt with constant replacement to different group homes, facilities, and therapeutic foster homes, I eventually got to reconnect with two of my friends from that year. According to them I was the glue of the friend group and after I left it kind of just fell apart. That makes me so sad knowing it didn't last because my memories are so fond of the time. But it just goes to show that every friendship isn't meant to last forever. Now I just choose to think of the good times and the pureness that came with it. My association with that time period always makes wonder why I've been so attached to it all these years and I've come to a conclusion. Simply put, it's where my innocence lived freely and my girlhood thrived. That moment on the first day of school set myself up on a pathway to understand the meaning of true joy, friendship, and the possibility of starting anew when situations turn sour. It gave me hope for a better future. Sixth grade became a lesson, one that I would carry with me through the rest of my teenage years and to adulthood.
Until our next adventure,
D.B.
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